20/20

Have you ever heard people over the age of 40 talk about the "mistakes" that they've made in their lives? Up to recently, I've never really understood what they meant. To me, mistakes are usually very short-term and usually aren't remembered past a couple of days. Not because I have a short memory, but rather because, in youth, mistakes either seem trivial or unimportant at the time. It seems like with age comes better hindsight, and a better ability to see grand-scale mistakes.

It should be noted that "mistakes" doesn't necessarily refer to something that you knowingly did that was stupid or wrong. There are plenty of innocuous things that one could look back on and deem a "mistake" simply because it's something that is regretted or poorly planned out.

As an example, I've recently noticed at least 2 grand-scale mistakes in my life. One was a mistake in the more classical sense of the word...remaining in a destructive relationship when I should have known better. The hindsight on that kind of thing is obvious and doesn't really need much in the way of explanation. The other is more of a planning error that is holding me back from what I would like my future to be...going for a BA degree in college rather than a BS.

Now, the latter example is something that, at the time, I didn't think mattered or affected my future at all. So to me, it falls under the category of taking a short term view of life and not planning out all the options - a mistake when looking back all the same as the former example.

Both of these have held me back in some way in life. However, the other thing that comes with age is a constantly changing definition of "grand-scale". At 23, a mistake that means I have 1 year of catch-up work to do because of my degree is what I would consider grand-scale. I don't expect that looking back on my life when I'm 70 I'll say, "you know, that one thing back when I was in my early 20's really messed things up for me." It's all about the perspective that you have at the time.

Does that mean that the 4 years in college, or the time during a "long-term" relationship, or whatever thing I notice next are wasted? I don't think so. It might not be ideal when looking back at them, but at the very least I should learn something from every misstep...

I would be the very first to tell you that I am no where near what I would consider "grown up" or "mature" or "old-enough-to-have-a-proper-prospective-on-life". However, it's an interesting experience being able to look back far enough and with enough detachment to be able to see things that are bigger than the youthful definition of "mistake". It makes me wonder what I'm doing right now that I will consider a mistake when I'm 30.

Moral of the story to tie into the idea of this blog? Constantly evaluate what you're doing in the present so that you can grow, learn, and improve your future. And don't worry about the "big" mistakes in your life...when you are able to zoom out, those big things might not seem all that big after all.

Cheesy blog out.

Focus

You know what's really hard? Changing your thought patterns. If you've been thinking about something in a certain way for a really long time, it's hard to make yourself stop thinking about it and start thinking differently. The trick is obviously to have something else to focus on. I've just got to wonder, how long does it really take to completely forget about something and get past it.

They say that it takes, what, 30 days to break a bad habit? But thinking isn't at all like smoking or something like that where you just don't do it for 30 days and are good to go. Your brain has this funny thing where it brings stuff up in a kind of sneak attack and before you know it, you're thinking about something you had considered licked. The question is, do those little relapses make it take longer to "recover" from a bad way of thinking?

Screw it. Just live life and keep moving forward.

1. I love living in a place where I can go ride for an hour after work on entirely sick singletrack that's better than what 99% of people have within 50 miles of their house. That's nice and a good way to end the day.

2. House sitting is nice most of the time, but then kinda sucks when you can't really hang out with anyone because you're out in the middle of nowhere and you end up spending your evenings alone.

3. This makes 2 posts today after not posting at all for the past 2 months. Don't judge.

4. Did you know that you are legally obligated to use a bridge in Dupont if there is one provided rather than ride through the water? True story. Also, don't ride in the ranger's grass. They don't like that.

Relief

You know what's awesome? Not worrying. Not caring. Living life. For the first time in probably 4 years.

You know what's not awesome? Somali rebels.